Reflections of 32 Favors Project

Wow! This has been an amazing journey. When I started this project back in early February I never could have predicted the way in which it would ultimately unfold. Perhaps that is one of the greatest lessons taken away from the experience: I do not need to know how the story ends, I just need to make room for the experience of enjoying the creative process. Only when I get myself out of the way can I be certain to have no investment in the outcome of any given situation. This does not mean I cannot have a preference or need to display a sense of apathy. On the contrary it means I need to care about myself and others so much not to assume I know what is best without taking into account what is presently actually happening. I am so grateful to all of you who followed this blog's development and who showed me grace and patience regarding the delay in the final postings. Life surprised me in too many ways to count, just know this project played a crucial role in my ability to adapt and even embrace whatever changes occurred. The people I met along the way have shown me an expanded and expansive world that I thought only existed in tales of Utopia. And, while this is not Utopia, it is possible to see the good and to know and do the good as Plato wisely noted many years ago. 32 Favors brought me to a place of understanding that on every level and I hope it may offer all of you guidance for your own journeys towards understanding whatever it is you are seeking, as well.

Warmly,

Nanci

Day 32

Occurred March 10, 2009

Today's favor was about starting over. I received a request asking me to help a friend of a friend to start her life again now that she had left her husband and found herself alone in the vast city known as Los Angeles. How ironic to have the final favor request be about starting again...a reset of sorts. Perhaps it is a sign that the spirit of 32 Favors will continue even after today. Only time will tell how the story will unfold.

Immediately I recognized the parity between this favor request and my own life. I came to LA almost a year ago with similar aspirations: to start over fresh. The woman and I agreed to meet at a cafe near the beach and to spend the day brainstorming ideas for her regarding possible next steps. She began our meeting with a summary of her life's events over the past year. Her husband betrayed her trust on several levels, she tried to look past the indiscretions since she loved him deeply, she ultimately decided she could not trust him and needed to leave the marriage. I asked her how I could be most helpful to her. She responded, "I'm not 100% certain, maybe we could just lay-out all my options and then you can help me evaluate them. I just want to forget the past and focus on my future."

I noticed she omitted one crucial aspect of time: the present. "Perhaps we could also look at the present and where you are at currently on both psychological and physical levels. I'm no psychologist, but based on my personal experience, it was helpful to take an inventory of my current experiences, " I remarked. "Furthermore, I found it useful to not deny my past but also to not grant it power to define my present," I concluded.

The woman admitted that up until this moment she had not thought of anything other than the desire to hit the "reset" button on life and to erase everything from her past. I empathized and yet also countered with, "OK that makes sense on one level, but without your past you would not be who you are at this instant."

The remainder of our meeting was spent defining her present experience and then use that awareness to help her craft possible next steps. It turned out that in order to start again or to reset her life she needed to first look at her past without judgment and to be open to a future void of an investment in the eventual outcome. The key to accomplishing all of this was staying grounded in the present and being willing to take the first step away from being limited by the seeming constraints of her own perceptions. She left our meeting full of hope which is essential in order to look at someone or something differently. The journey towards understanding her present is now complete and at the same time, it has just begun.

Day 31

Occurred March 9, 2009

Today's favor was about surprise. I received a request asking me to put money into a stranger's parking meter. I instantly related to this request since recently I had a friend receive a parking ticket due to staying too long at a restaurant. Note: by "too long" I mean five extra minutes beyond the meter.

I awoke eager to fulfill this request until receiving an email from a follower of this blog who had seen the favor listed on the home page. He informed me such an act was illegal and suggested I try something else. "How about paying for someone's valet parking instead?"

Not to be deterred, I agreed and set out to put some of the dollars received by private donation, to help fund the 32 Favors Project, to good use. I selected two valet lots and gave myself a budget of $25 for the day. I went up to the valet attendants and asked which car's owner would most benefit from receiving free parking. At each spot, answers freely came to me and I ended up being able to pay for three different strangers parking. I asked the attendants not to mention me, just to say, someone had done them a favor and hoped it made them smile. "Please tell me what happened after you told them about the free parking so I can include it on my blog. Here is my cell, please text me when they leave." Each valet lot agreed to help me out and I in-turn tipped them nicely for their assistance. Here are the accounts of the three different favor recipients:

1. Woman looked shocked at first then very happy, even hugged attendant before leaving
2. Man and woman kept looking for "hidden" camera and finally accepted idea and asked if they could help pay someone else's valet fee
3. Man called friend on phone and shared his story of good fortune, saying he felt like he could get through his tough day now

The theme echoing through each recipient's experience was a feeling of not being worthy to receive such a simple kindness and thinking there must be some sort of "catch" at first and then later accepting and adjusting to the notion that kindness is possible without expectation of reciprocation. Tomorrow, concludes the project...I wonder what the day will hold. I can't wait to see how it all unfolds!

Day 30

Occurred March 8, 2009

Today's favor was about inclusion. I received a request asking me to do the seemingly simple task of smiling at every person to cross my path for one day. The person making this request explained in her email, "smiles are contagious and when expressed genuinely, they help to reduce stress and to increase a sense of well-being. In these tough times any hint of promoting a feeling of ease and peace is of utmost importance."

Wanting to maximize my smile efforts, I awoke early at 6:00 am and brushed my teeth with extra care to showcase the best smile possible. I decided to begin the favor at a local coffee shop and with head held-high, displaying both dimples on my cheeks, I smiled warmly at the first person I saw. It happened to be an older man and he looked both surprised and pleased to be the smile's recipient and he smiled back at me. "Good morning," I said as I walked up to the counter to order, smiling the whole time at the clerk in front of me. At first his eyes did not meet mine and he just sort of muttered, "morning...," but then he looked up from the register, greeted by my smile and his whole demeanor shifted. He stood more erect, and his mood seemed to elevate slightly as he smiled back at me, "How may I help you?" You already have I thought, but instead remarked, "I would love a mocha please." After paying for my drink, I observed the scene before me as it unfolded.

The next two customers ordering drinks received smiles from the clerk and each one in-turn responded back with smiles. Within less than ten minutes, the entire mood of the coffee shop felt lighter and I sat in awe at the power of one conscious act of kindness. I continued to smile at each person I met for the remainder of the day, going to a bank, a beauty salon, a grocery store and lastly a movie theater. Each location yielded the same result: wonderfully contagious smiles. What an incredible day!

Day 29

Occurred March 7, 2009

Today's favor was about introspection. I received a request to look inside myself one more time in relation to my pending decision regarding closing my Pilates studio either to pursue a doctorate or to work as a Pilates instructor at another studio. The request unfolded in a most curious way, one in which I felt as though I was inside of some pseudo alternate reality, a "Wonderland" of sorts.

The day began with me meeting a tutor at a local coffee shop to practice for the upcoming Graduate Record Exam (GRE) test two weeks away. As I worked on several sets of practice problems, I could not help but notice a man next to me was noticing me. Upon the conclusion of the tutoring session and my tutor's prompt exit, the man leaned over towards me and asked what I was doing. Taken aback by the directness of his question, I quickly responded, "I'm studying for the GRE." He then asked why I was studying for the GRE. I told him I was considering applying for graduate school. Then he asked what I was doing now. "Not much other than studying these days," I blurted, adding, "I used to have my own business teaching Pilates, well technically I still do, but I think now that economy tanked, it's done. I'm giving myself options."

He continued pressing me for more information about my business. I stopped answering long eough to pose a question to him, "Does your shoulder hurt? It seems as though you don't want to use your right arm, like it causes you pain to use it. Am I wrong?" He paused for a moment and then looked me in the eyes saying, "Wow! Yes, it does hurt. You are very good at what you do I'd imagine. Are you sure the business is done? Have you tried everything to make it work?" His words echoed in my mind..."Had I tried everything to make it work?" Well, I had tried everything I thought that could work, but admitted I might be missing something. "Maybe you just need to look inside yourself one more time, maybe that is all you need to do," he concluded with a calm and steady voice. What happened next still puzzles me, all of a sudden it was though I awoke from a deep slumber. I felt a rush of energy and packed-up my belongings and told my new acquaintance, "I need to go; there is much to do. Thank you so much." He handed me a slip of paper with his mobile number and I gave him mine too. He said he would call me if he thought of any ideas on how to make the business work. Before leaving I scribbled down this blog's web address and told him if he really wanted to know me, he should read that.

About an hour passed after I left the coffee shop and my phone indicated I had a new text message. As I read it, tears came to my eyes, it said, "Ha, Ha! Looks like you got a favor done to you. :)" Just as Alice was reminded to look inside the Looking Glass to see what actually was (her asleep and not in the throes of chaotic Wonderland) I too saw what really was: my business was not done; I just needed to be willing to walk-away from it in order to realize how much it meant to me and to be fully "awake" regarding its potential for greatness and wonder.

Day 28

Occurred March 6, 2009

Today's favor was about perspective. I received a request asking me to assist a man facing a career change. I believe the request was intentionally vague so as to allow me the freedom to not pre-judge the desired outcome of the favor. Once again I was reminded that true kindness is the ability to meet another individual wherever he or she is at presently. This man was at a place of transition and seeming chaos; my goal was to allow him to have his chaos and yet see him as peaceful and settled when I spoke to him.

We agreed to meet at a coffee shop in Hollywood and to spend the afternoon looking at his options. The only thing I asked of him was to bring something to write in and an open mind. We chose a comfortable sofa alongside a small coffee table. Pausing in between sips of his steaming drink, he asked me where we should start. I replied, "at the beginning...tell me about your past jobs and experiences at each one." He recounted a long list of various positions he held in his industry since graduating college. I noticed that at the end of each job he closed with the following words, "I could not stand my boss and so I left after ___ years." Without exception this was true, he had never had a job where his reason for leaving was anything other than the state of the relationship with his superior. I asked him why he thought every boss had turned out to be the "same" as all the rest. Confused, he shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. I asked him how the relationships with his bosses started at each job. Again, without exception he said, "They all started great, but then something happened and they ended up not appreciating me."

Next, I asked him if he had wanted each of the jobs. Not skipping a beat, he shook his head answering, "No, hardly any of them, but I needed a job and they offered me one." It was then it occurred to me that the real issue was not the bosses but rather this man's underlying resentment at having to accept a job he really did not want. The bosses had no way of being privy to this information and therefore probably deemed his eventual lack of enthusiasm as a personal attack. I remembered an exercise a friend told me about from her experience at a psychology seminar: tell your "story" and then tell it with accountability. I proposed this idea to the man sitting beside me and he agreed to try to relate the whole series of events without being the victim. At the end of his revised story, he looked over at me and laughed saying, "Wow! That was amazing; I never knew the real problem was how I saw each situation, not the situation themselves." I encouraged him to take whatever time he could to choose his next job carefully and to remember it all comes down to the power of perspective upon our perceptions.

Day 27

Occurred March 5, 2009

Today's favor was about grace. I received a request asking me to help a friend plan a weekend get-away. On the surface this request may seem sort of out of the usual scope of this project and yet, as seems to be the overall message garnered from this experience, appearances may be deceiving and true meaning is found only upon forgetting to judge the outcome.

For the past four years, my friend worked tirelessly and never once took a break for herself. I asked her why and she responded, "If I stopped, I would never start again." She had left an abusive personal relationship and thought the only way to ensure staying away from her ex- was to keep busy and not allow her mind to wander back to the past. Her work had been her salvation since it allowed her to help others and now it had become her prison. It's funny in this world how such duality seems to always exist: that which is supposed to save us usually ends up hurting us in some unforeseen way. Medicines used to cure one ailment predispose us to another malady, means used to create independence sometimes end up having us feel more trapped than even before. As she recounted her reasons for not stopping and the justifications for not taking a break, I somehow found myself saying, "It sounds like you need to give yourself grace and allow yourself to pause and reflect." She agreed and we began to plan a trip for her to recharge and renew her commitment to her most important relationship: the one with her self. She chose a spa retreat in Arizona and together we booked the lodging, spa treatments, and drafted a letter to send her clients telling of her planned absence. She promised to not post-pone or cancel the trip no matter what arose in her work and or personal life and it was then I said, "that sure sounds like grace to me, congrats!"

Day 26

Occurred March 4, 2009

Today's favor was about remembering those we tend to forget. I received a request asking for me to go to a senior center and read a story to a resident who did not normally have many visitors. This request came from one of the kindest individuals I have ever had the pleasure to meet. She lives outside of California and had read about the 32 Favors project in a posting on Facebook and wanted to participate in the "infinite chain of kindness." She said she could think of no greater favor than showing someone they had not been forgotten.

I chose a senior center and decided to bring Margaret Wise Brown's "The Runaway Bunny" as the story to share. It had been one of my favorite books as a child and is message of a mother's love transcending any physical and or emotional distance we, as children, try and impose, is immensely comforting. Upon entering the center, I asked the receptionist if it would be OK to read the book to someone who normally did not get visits. She paused and looked me over head-to-toe and finally nodded and thumbed through a list of residents. She selected one man and one woman, and said, "I know you asked just for one, but these two never receive visitors and it would mean the world to them to spend some time with a younger person. Are you OK with two?" I laughed slightly and smiled saying, "The more, the merrier. I have all afternoon." She led me down hallway to a door leading to a small patio and told me to take a seat and she would go and get the man and woman.

A few minutes later I saw them. The man and woman: two people standing with the help of a walker and a cane respectively. It was only in that moment, I realized why the receptionist chose these two: they were a couple, husband and wife, partners in life. I introduced myself and gave a brief overview of the 32 Favors Project and explained why I was there and what I had brought to read to them. It turned out the wife was very familiar with the book. She reminisced about reading it to her little boy, who had grown into her big boy only to be taken from her in the Vietnam war. He was their only child and still clearly lived inside both of his parents. So, this is why they have no visitors, they were each others family. I read the story cover-to-cover and when I finished I looked over and noticed they were much more alert than only a few moments prior, and were now holding hands and smiling. It reminded me of the movie "The Bluebird" where the grandparents who died tell the Shirley Temple character that each time she remembers them, they live again and wake up. Through the small act of reading them a story, a much larger thing occurred: I realized family is not just biological; it is with any one who we choose to see as being a part of our world. This couple was a part of mine and not apart from me.

Day 25

Occurred March 3, 2009

Today's favor was about service. I received a request asking me to donate a Pilates session to someone who could use my expertise but could not afford a private session. The request came from a woman who lives outside of LA and who I admire greatly and it touched me that she felt my time given to another would be a "gift." I thought carefully about how to approach this favor and decided to let someone else choose who would receive the session. I asked friends and family if they knew someone in the LA area who would be interested in receiving a free private Pilates session. I read off the list of potential candidates to one of my long-term clients and asked her to choose one recipient. She picked a woman who has suffered from Fibromyalgia for several years and recently lost her job due to the recession. I contacted our recipient and arranged for her to come into my studio for a complimentary session.

The day of our session arrived and the woman entered my studio nervously at our scheduled time. I outstretched my hand and welcomed her into the space. After filling out some paperwork, she asked me hesitantly, "Will this hurt?" I paused briefly before answering and then said, "Not one bit. You have had more than enough pain in your body, let's see if we can give you a new experience for it to remember." Her face softened and she announced enthusiastically, "OK, let's do it!" During the next 50 minutes I learned about the years of frustration she suffered at the hands of well-meaning medical professionals who believed telling her the pain she felt was "just in her head," would lessen rather than augment her concerns. By them denying her experience, they made it more fearful and real and therefore more painful. I told her she never needed to deny her pain around me and that my goal was to have her feel empowered rather than victimized by her body. For instance, I demonstrated how to move her arm in a very small range of motion with absolute precision thereby preventing her trapezius muscle from taking over and causing pain in her shoulder (a constant source of discomfort for her and many other Fibromyalgia sufferers). This simple exercise gave her confidence, something she had felt void of since the onset of her first symptoms. She smiled widely and told me "Thank you, thank you so much." I told her, the thanks should be directed towards her self, not me, she had done the work and been open to shift the way she saw her body serving her. While our single session did not "cure" her disease, it did offer her a gentle reminder that she had more say in what happened to her body than she previously thought. This was one of my favorite favors to date; it reflected to me the power of choice when we choose to take action regarding how our experiences either serve or hinder our development and ultimately our life's journey.

Day 24

Occurred on March 2, 2009

Today's favor was about time. I received a request asking me to help a friend come to terms with the notion of taking time to grieve for the recent death of her father. Her father was her world and with him being taken from her life a void was instantly apparent. Convention dictates we must move on when those close to us leave us in some fashion, be it death, abandonment, a break-up, divorce or separation. We are supposed to pick up the pieces, and tell everyone around us all will be fine and that we are OK. However, what I gathered from this request was that this individual was not OK and did not feel like moving on, she felt like stopping. She was seeking permission to stop and to think and to reflect. For some reason she felt guilt over this time being taken and at the same time, she saw no other option than to cease her life as she knew it.

Once I realized the complexities facing this woman and her conflict over doing what she was "supposed to" versus what she felt, I felt perplexed as how to accomplish this favor request. How could I offer her grace while also helping to facilitate her process of reconciling the loss of her father? Did I even know what helping her looked like? I decided to meet with her at a local wine bar and to have no other agenda for our meeting other than having her be heard. Maybe the true purpose of our meeting was not to convince her of anything but rather to have her discover her own truth and wisdom at her own pace and on her own time.

Even though we were surrounded by numerous people in a dimly lit room, the pain she carried spoke volumes to me. On the surface she appeared in complete control but her eyes betrayed the actual feelings she harbored. Her eyes were dull and it almost seemed as though she was wincing as she spoke about her father and about the memories, which although they remained unspoken to me, clearly filed her mind with vivid images. I asked how she was doing and then I just shut-up and listened. At the end of our evening, I felt extraordinarily privileged to have the opportunity to offer her the outlet to express herself without fear of judgment. Never once did I suggest she "should" do anything, I just listened. She came to her own conclusion: she would continue to take time to grieve until she felt it was time to do something else. The simplicity of her decision was the paragon of grace and I applaud her composure and clarity and courage to sit with her thoughts rather than rush to fill her life and time with extraneous things. The essence of this favor was self-full love; she realized in order to deal with the emptiness left by the passing of her father, she needed to fill her own tank with grace and compassion.

Day 23

This occurred on March 1, 2009:

Today's favor was about listening to what is true not what is perceived. I received a favor request asking me to practice accepting myself for one day. At first this request seemed easy and I almost adopted a cavalier attitude towards fulfilling it...almost! What I discovered what that this request was one of the most difficult of them all. For me it is far easier to give praise to others than to myself. As I sat on the edge of my bed, I realized I did not know where to start, but knew the first step was to not choose fear. No matter what I encountered throughout the day, I promised not to be swayed by fear. The only power I would give to today would be to facts.

Almost as if the universe chose to challenge this commitment to the 'nth degree, I immediately received my first trial. A Pilates client contacted me to say she could no longer continue sessions due to her husband's layoff from work. She apologized profusely and said how much she would miss our sessions together and that she knew she had just last week told me she was signing up for ten more sessions. I knew at that moment, I had a choice: to choose fear or love. I could interpret what she said as a negative and that she was somehow rejecting me and let it affect my entire day or I could listen to what she said, yet make no judgement of it. Due to today's favor, I was able to listen fully to what she said yet grant it no power to take away my peace of mind and happiness. Instead, because I loved myself and was secure in who I am and knew her ending the sessions was not personal and I had done an excellent job as her teacher, I offered her compassion and not the guilt she feared. I did not attempt to convince her to stay as a client, but I did tell her I valued our relationship and that my door was always open on both a personal and professional level. Stunned by my graciousness and by the lack of the guilt she assumed would surely follow from me, she simply said, "Thank you so much for understanding. You are a real friend." In that instant I realized the necessity of being a friend to me fully before ever being able to offer friendship to another completely without expectation or need of reciprocation. I took the time within my own mind to stop before making a judgement and discovered no one was to blame.

I have come to understand that in my life I have an extremely easy time offering acceptance without exception except to myself. Accepting ourselves means to choose to see the world as a place of learning. We may not always get it right, but choosing to continue to try and allow our minds to release the need for fear and separation from what we really are at our core is the beginning of starting a new beginning for each of us to accept everything and all that we are and hope to be.

Short Side Note

First off, I would like to thank everyone who follows this blog for the many thoughtful emails. Life happened these past two months, but today things cleared and I now have time to finish what I started. I completed the project in the 32 days, but have not posted since Day 22. Read on to see how things ultimately unfolded. The changes that occurred on the levels of my body, mind and spirit from me committing myself to this project continue to awe me and astound me. Thank you all for accompanying me on this amazing journey. And now on to Day 23!

Day 22

Today's favor was about family. I received a request from my mother to help her with tension in her low back and shoulder. For the past few months she has literally been carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. All of her willingness to bear these burdens took its toll on her body.

The real significance of this request was the fact it was made by my mother. She rarely asks anything for herself and always is the first to lend a helping hand to anyone in need. My mother demonstrated to me that it is possible to love someone and yet not love their actions. She showed me family is not just biological; it means being there for one another, accepting each other without exception and it means being willing to start over again and again with one another. When all of these elements are present, you are in the presence of family. In this sense, my family far extends beyond my nuclear one; it encompasses anyone I meet who I do not see as separate from me.

After enjoying a delicious meal, my mom asked if I could help her with her pain in her back. I showed her some exercises on the floor that entailed using a foam roller. As she lay on the roller, she spoke about all of the struggles she endured the past year and about her anxiety regarding the future. I listened and told her it was OK and that she was fine and that her back would be much better just by talking about her fears. I also explained to her that the pain in her low back appeared to be associated with a tension in her shoulder. Trusting me, she began to relax the muscles in her neck and shoulder areas and took several deep breaths per my instructions. Then she stood up and I helped her stretch specific muscles in her back and shoulders.

Within a few minutes, her back pain lessened and her face looked less strained. It was an amazing moment: I, the daughter, and she, my mother, reversed traditional roles: I became the teacher and she, the student. We both learned the importance of reaching out to family and to being willing to admit we need help from one another. I am honored my mother asked me to help her and happy I could offer her some relief from the many burdens she chooses to shoulder. Family is being home and I am when I am with mine.

Regarding the photo, this is one of my mom's favorite pictures of me...I guess I will always be her little girl!

Day 21

Today's favor was about true love. I received a request from a new friend asking me to help him evaluate his career goals and aspirations through some life coaching exercises. He recalled from one of our previous conversations, that prior to teaching Pilates, I led small groups in my home and saw clients privately as a life coach.

We met at a coffee shop in Los Angeles and were fortunate to have a large section of the outdoor patio available to only us. Our conversation began with us exchanging the usual pleasantries and with me asking him what he hoped to accomplish during our session. He paused for a moment and then said, "Actually, what I really want to talk about is my reaction to something you said in a past conversation. It really made me think."

Puzzled, I scanned my memories of conversations past and replayed my words as best as possible, yet unable to glom onto any one particular statement of note. Finally, after several moments that seemed like an eternity, I responded, "What did I say?" He sat up tall in his chair and then leaned into the table slightly with rounded shoulders and uttered the following in a low voice, "I asked you why you were single since you seem like such an amazing woman and you said it was because you needed to learn how to love yourself completely before you could give a man unconditional love and that you were open to that now but not in a hurry to have it."

Taking a careful sip of his steaming coffee, he remained silent for a moment and then continued, "I thought that was so brave of you to say to me, so refreshing to hear something other than the usual canned LA-girl response of 'I'm picky or I won't settle.' You don't know me that well and yet you said those words with confidence and sureness. It really made me think about my life and that I need to learn that too: I need to learn how to love myself fully before I can have a serious relationship again. I guess what I really want to accomplish today is to say thank you."

Beyond stunned, I searched for the words to form a response, but found none. Instead, a gentle laughter filled the air and I at last said, "Wow, that was the last thing I expected to hear during our session today. I'm touched that what I said meant so much to you and happy it was helpful. You are very welcome."

It seems the only constant in life is that it is never constant. It continuously changes in unexpected ways. It is our choice to see these unexpected occurrences as deterrents from our pre-set agendas or as a gift to help us look at something or someone in a slightly different way without a sense of loss of purpose or destination. Each favor shares in common the fact that the real meaning or purpose is not evident upon a superficial inspection; it is only through reflection and introspection its true essence reveals itself to me. Thank you to all of you for helping me to continue on this journey to see what really is and not what I perceive it to be.

Day 20

Today's favor was about encouragement. I received a request asking me to encourage a friend of a friend to attend a special conference. On the surface the Favor seems simple, yet upon digging deeper a more complex nature revealed itself to me.

What does it really mean to encourage another human being? Does it mean to offer them unconditional support; does it mean to help them look beyond their perceived limitations or does it mean to allow the person to be? Can encouragement be silent in its demands and only require another to look at him or herself without judgment? These were just some of the many questions I struggled with when exploring how to accomplish this favor.

It occurred to me that genuine encouragement may only be achieved when we do not take the outcome of another's choice personally. In other words, we need to separate ourselves from a specific desired outcome and instead be open to what the other wants to happen. I realized I could not grant this favor in the way originally requested. The only way to truly encourage another was to see the individual for who he is and not what others project upon him. I did not arrive to this conclusion until late into the discussion with the friend. I paused after hearing his resistance to attending the conference and allowed my mind to be open to what he said.

Our meeting was no longer about getting him to do something the other friend asked, it evolved into giving him the freedom to be. To be or not to be, that is the real question as Shakespeare wisely noted, and I recognized the importance of telling this man who sat next to me that all he needed to do was to show his friend the real him. He needed to stop trying to live-up to his friend's expectations and to instead share his actual self. The favor was about encouraging him to be him rather than trying to get him to change his position in favor of the requested favor. In the end, I became aware encouragement means to allow another to live their life by their own intention rather than by our expectations. Whether he goes or does not go to the conference is irrelevant; all that matters is that he reveals his true self to others without fear of judgment.

Day 19

Today's favor was about integration. The strange thing about integration is that sometimes we are unaware we are lacking it until we are asked to find it by another. This was the case for today's favor. Today was different because instead of giving a favor, I received one.

During the past few weeks I have met so many amazingly wonderful individuals. One person, Jonathan, offered to do me a favor as his his favor request. He asked me what would be the most helpful to me and I responded, "I want to learn more about Yoga." Ever since the Favor request from Day 9 asking me to recommend a good yoga studio, determination set-in to understand Yoga on a deeper level and to face my fear of taking classes. It just so happens, Jonathan is an Iyengar Yoga instructor. He beamed upon hearing my request and said, "That would be great, let's meet out in a park in Santa Monica, overlooking the Pacific."

Today was our first session together. After parking and grabbing my mat and water I made the short trek to our meeting spot in the park. The sun shone on each individual blade of grass and gave off a warmth unlike any I experienced before. Suddenly, all the worry evaporated and I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be at that moment. I saw my teacher seated and basking in the light offered by the mid-morning rays. Jonathan smiled broadly and told me to get comfortable and sit on top of my mat.

Over the next approximately 90 minutes, he instructed me on the basics of posture, balance and flow from the Iyengar viewpoint. I was struck by how similar his teaching style was to mine with Pilates. We both use vivid word imagery and cues to activate different muscle groups; We both modify exercises to the individual's body rather than ask their body to do the movement in a "perfect" way; We both love teaching and being a part of our student's experience.

The toughest thing about our session for me was to let go and to let him teach and to let me be the student. Sensing my inner-conflict, Jonathan wisely said the following, "Let go of the pose, become the observer rather than the doer." Let's explore this further, "Become the observer, not the doer." In other words, take yourself out of the way and let the experience unfold without an investment in the final outcome. Experience the experience for the experience. Hearing these words echo in my ears, something deep within me let go and all of a sudden my body felt like one flowing, moving piece rather than separate, different elements held together by fear. I felt muscles work together rather than in opposition; I realized that in all of my focus to create a stable core and body overall, I forgot to remember the importance of ease of movement and flow. When something flows it is because it is integrated seamlessly; when something resists movement it stems from fear that movement will cause pain or instability. I needed to release my fear of pain before I could move without it.

At the end of the session, I felt more grounded, stable and free than I had in recent memory. I see now the benefit of combining Yoga and Pilates. Separately,each has value, but together 1+1=3! Jonathan is a gifted instructor and offers his gifts at several local studios on the west side of LA and also holds a weekly group class by donation in the park at Ocean and Palisades every Saturday at 10 AM. Please contact me if you are interested in scheduling a session with him or for information about his Saturday class. Thank you, Jonathan and Namaste!

Day 18

Today's favor was about comfort. I received a request from a friend out of the area asking me to contact one of her close LA-based friends and see if she needed help with anything. My friend told me she wished she could personally do a favor for her friend, but logistically it was tough to manage. I said, "Don't worry, I will be able to help on your behalf. Just send me your friend's info and I will do the rest."

After a few rounds of phone-tag, I connected with the intended favor recipient. At first the woman seemed hesitant to receive any sort of help or favor; I persisted, "It does not have to be something big...our friend just wants you to have a small lift to your day!" I offered a few suggestions and hearing these she chose one and replied, "OK, I love coffee. How about taking me out for coffee?" I happily agreed and we scheduled a time to meet in Marina del Rey (her neighborhood).

As soon as I entered the coffee shop she chose for us to meet, I knew the favor was about much more than just a hot, caffeinated beverage...I just could not articulate it yet. I ordered both of our drinks and sat at a small table she selected earlier. The table's wood shimmered in the reflection of the mid-day sun and again I had a feeling our meeting was a catalyst for something greater than previously imagined.

The drinks arrived and we both sipped them slowly and munched quietly on our respective lunches. I showed the woman my blog on my MacBook and told her the coffee favor would be shown tomorrow. She asked me to tell her the impetus for the 32 Favors project which I did and then when I finished the seemingly epic tale, she added, "Wow! I think this is exactly what is needed right now. So many people are struggling...What a great idea." We continued to chat freely and soon discovered we are both on a similar path of self-discovery just in different forms.

Hearing her words seemed like an echo of my my voice and it was then I realized what the favor was really about: we both are in need of comfort. For her, comfort is necessary to feel good about a recent tough decision and for me I need comfort to know it is OK to ask for what I want. Our commonality did not go ignored and it seemed as though both of us felt the graceful similarity of the other by the end of our coffee meetup. We entered as strangers and left our meeting as known friends.

Day 17

Today's favor focused on the concept of wonder. I received a request asking me to give a sundae to a child. While this seems simple enough and very sweet in its intent, the actual execution of such a favor is difficult. Unfortunately we live in times of child abductions, tainted Halloween candy and other atrocities. While my intentions are 100% pure, I thought it may appear odd or dangerous from the perspective of a parent if I randomly offered to buy a child a sundae.

Taking some license with the request, I instead chose to treat someone I knew already and his "inner child" to a grown-up version of a sundae: gelato. There is a great spot for gelato in Los Feliz, which was ideal since I was still feeling a tad under the weather and did not wish to travel far from home.

I met my friend outside the shop tonight and told him to pick out any three flavors with the only requirement being he had to eat every bite. What happened next amazed me...As soon as we opened the door, it was though we turned back the clock. His eyes seemed to dance with wonder and curiosity across the shiny metal containers filled to the rim of brightly-colored flavors of gelato. After sampling at least a handful of flavors, he chose dutch cocoa, cookies 'n cream and vanilla bean. Happily he took the plastic cup containing his delectable scoops of gelato from the clerk. My friend took his first bite and then told me how he had not had gelato since his Italian grandma visited nearly fifteen years ago right before her death. He shared how all of his grandma's aches and pains would melt away at the first taste of the yummy dessert. Saying this his eyes misted briefly and then he said, "Thank you, Nanci. I had no idea how much I associated the love for my grandma with the taste of gelato. I feel closer to her than I have in years after taking just one bite." I smiled and told him, "The original favor was to give a sundae to a child. I never expected to give one to your child-within."

Once again as had now become habit, I saw it is sometimes the simplest of favors which have the greatest impact and effect. Who would have guessed my friend would enjoy the memory of what gelato represented after just a single bite? Reminding him of moments of joy from his past allowed him to access the child-like wonder and unencumbered love he once demonstrated as a young boy without any premeditation. What a wonder-filled world!

Day 16

It is hard to believe the 32 Favors project is 50% done. It seems like yesterday that I awoke from the dream about running high hurdles with a sense of purpose and determination to reach out to others and to hopefully discover my own "balanced place" in the process. One such amazing effect of this project is the many new friendships and fellowships I now have with like-minded people. One new friend, Erin Pearson was so inspired by the 32 Favors idea she offered to write a theme song for me. I included the link to her myspace music page on the side column of the blog where you can hear a rough cut of it. Thank you Erin! You are beyond talented.

It might be said that I chose to take the road less traveled. However, taking the less traveled approach may be anything but a smooth ride...

I received a favor request to assist with Team in Training's Santa Monica group. I was supposed to arrive at the practice session and help hand out water and snacks to the runners. I woke up at 6 AM on the dot. I left my apartment at 7:15, planning to arrive at the meeting point no later than 8 AM. Living in Hollywood has its perks and also its hassles. One such hassle from a traffic perspective is the Academy Awards. There were numerous road closures, detours, etc and so I opted for the freeway. Within a short period of time, I realized this was a poor choice. For some reason the freeway had several lanes closed and my only option was to exit and try side streets if I had any hope of arriving in time for the practice session.

After a multitude of twists and turns I found myself at the right location, but did not see the large gathering I expected. Rather I saw a few people setting up tables and one petite woman with a clipboard. I introduced myself, "Hi, I'm Nanci from 32 Favors. Where do I go to help?" The woman smiled warmly and said I would need to drive about three miles away since the hospitality team already left. I drove to the new location and parked. After scouring the intersection and surrounding businesses and streets, I could not find the rest-stop. I called the organizer and she said for me to just come back to the original spot and that I could help with the bone marrow donor registration. For one moment, I felt weariness set in and I hesitated and then decided to say, "OK, just tell me what will be most helpful." Once back at the original location, the organizer introduced me to the registration team who quickly explained the registration process and pointed to stacks of forms, envelopes, pens and stickers. I digested the information quickly and told myself to focus on the task at hand. Within moments, our table overflowed with interested donors and I reminded myself to try and stay calm even in the chaos of thrusting forms, numerous questions and needing to repeat the same set of instructions to each person. Shortly, I developed a flow and an ease with the process and time flew quickly.

When it was over, we registered a little over 100 people. Everyone involved in Team in Training appeared grateful for my willingness to lend a hand and I felt immensely satisfied with the end result to an other-wise chaotic morning. Their commitment to helping those with cancer is commendable and I strongly support their mission and efforts. They donate 75% of all money raised by team members to cancer charities. The magnitude of people potentially helped by all of our efforts today may potentially far exceed our initial investment. I left the day physically exhausted and yet totally exhilarated in my heart.

Day 15

Today was about receiving kindness. I awoke this morning in a sort of haze. The past few weeks of late nights, full days and re-evaluting thought processes and patterns left me a tad weary. I planned to attend a meeting in the morning, go for a hike, work on the blog and then take advantage of the favor request sent to me specifiying for me to, "Dream for a day" The requester asked for me to, "Take a day to dream for your self. Remember how you used to dream of things as a child? Daydream as a teen? Take a day for yourself to dream about you, what you want big and small, things you want to do, places to go, romance to be had, passion to experience, your life in 5 years, the fun you will have, the life you deserve, and dream of peace inner and outer."

Such a lovely and thoughtful gift and favor. I could not wait to go for a hike, sit on top of my favorite rock and dream away the rest of the day. It sounded like the perfect way to spend a Saturday. However, perfect days may unfold imperfectly and with an even greater effect than we initially anticipate.

As I drove to my meeting blurry-eyed and uncaffeinated, I noticed my car was driving oddly. It was making a strange noise and felt like I left the brake on. I pulled out of my driveway and the noise continued. A few bystanders pointed to my car and gestured for me to pull-over. One man seeing my need, came over and offered to help me change the apparently completely flat tire. Tears welled up in my eyes behind the protection of my sunglasses and I replied, "Yes, please. That would be wonderful." The tears flowed out of thinking I was not worthy of this kindness in some way and out of being overwhelmed by another's offer to help.

It's ironic to admit this belief in light of the past two weeks of doing favors for others. Through this experience I gained empathy for the struggle so many of us encounter when faced with accepting kindness. We tend to view this acceptance as a surrender and as a symbol of not being self-sufficient or capable. For me to refuse this man's kindness would have been to say his offer was not enough to get me out of my head and destructive thought processes. I would be making a statement my needs were less important than another person's and therefore reflect negatively back on him. Why would he choose to demonstrate his kindness towards one who is not worthy? Surely there must be someone else in greater need...What I realized was that in that moment, no one was in more or less need of kindness than me, which means everyone deserves kindness equally on the level of content. Every one of us in this crazy world looks for validation for our choices; we somehow think if we ask for help it means we made the wrong choice. Otherwise, we should be able to do it alone.

After he swapped the flat for the spare tire, the man looked at me and said for me to hurry along to my meeting; there was still plenty of time and changing the tire took less time than I probably anticipated. I quickly glanced at my watch and saw his words were true; it had only taken 20 minutes; I was only 10 minutes late to the meeting. I realized I had a choice at that moment: I could let the flat tire color my whole day in a negative way or I could literally apply a "patch" to my day and start over. I chose the second option. This choice allowed me to get the tire fixed after being referred by a friendly group member and still take advantage of the favor request given to me to dream for a day. I made one such dream a reality by being able to reset my mind and my attitude even after a stressful start of my day. It is possible to turn back the hands of time.