Day 11

Today's favor was about flexibility. I awoke this morning with a pre-determined schedule for the day. I was supposed to teach a client, go for a hike with a friend and attend to a new favor.

However, within a matter of minutes after awakening, my whole day changed. My client canceled her session and I received an email from a good friend passing on two names of desired favor recipients and also mentioning that she had surgery this past Friday for the elbow she shattered while snowboarding last Fall and it had not gone as planned. Her words were simple and direct and yet I felt she chose to reach out to me at this particular time for some underlying reason. It was as if I could sense her discomfort and pain. After re-reading the email, all I wanted was to offer to help. I sent her a text message asking if I could be of use to her today since I no longer had a Pilates session to teach and knew I could reschedule the other events for the day. To my delight, she responded, "Yes!"

I drove up to Santa Barbara not sure what to expect for the visit but believing the purpose of today was to help my friend. Upon arriving to her parents' home where she's recuperating, I told her, "You are my favor today. Whatever you need, I'm here to help." At first she seemed uncomfortable with my offer, but then smiled and said, "Great!"

My friend is an avid consumer of healthy food and prefers small farmer's markets to large grocery chains any day. For the first part of her favor, I drove her to the farmer's market and carried a nylon bag to transport her purchases home. As we walked along the long line of vendors, I was struck by my friend's positive attitude and demeanor. Here she is with a shattered elbow, which only now may begin to flex past 50 degrees and yet she is full of energy, life and hope. She is so giving with her time and never shys away from a challenge. I know it took a lot for her to allow me to assist her in the market and I almost cried when she asked me to hold her arm for her while she sipped her cup of hot coffee. The meaning behind her request is what moved me so greatly: for her to ask me to support her injured limb meant she trusted me to the highest degree and allowed herself to lean on me for a little bit of help. If you knew my friend it would make sense why the tears almost flowed...I have never felt closer to her nor more honored to share in another's favor to date.

We returned to her parents' home and enjoyed a lovely dinner in their inviting kitchen. I told them how 32 Favors came to be and they listened attentively, conveying warmth and admiration for the endeavor. I offered to drive my friend home rather than have her parents make the trek. I asked if it was OK to include them on the blog and they kindly agreed. I told them it was my pleasure to do any bit of kindness for their amazing daughter who has been an incredible friend to me. The day did not end the way I expected and defied the greatest of all possible expectations I could have fathomed.

Day 10

Today's favor once again revisited the concept of forgiveness. I received a request asking me to forgive someone from my past for a real or perceived wrong against me. At first I really struggled with this favor. As I took inventory of the numerous past trespasses others committed against me it seemed impossible to deem one grievance as having a greater negative effect and therefore in greater need of forgiveness than another. I continued to wrestle with executing this favor and was no closer to an answer by the time my support group meeting began tonight. Group members shared personal stories of hardship, struggle and accomplishment. One speaker mentioned how she felt overwhelmed with the chaos within her family. She resented and loved them for their struggles simultaneously. Faced with losing her peace of mind over the uncontrollable situations she found comfort in the familiar verse: "Row, row, row YOUR boat gently down the stream..." She had no influence over another's actions and choices but did have the power to decide how to let these actions affect her peace. She needed to release her expectations on others to make it OK for her and to focus on working on her side of the street and not judging others.

Almost instantly I knew how to accomplish this favor request. I could not forgive just one person from my past for one perceived or actual wrong; I needed to forgive everyone and that included myself. It is said that for those who would not forgive, they keep forgiveness from themselves. If we are all connected, then I cannot selectively forgive on a content level. I may choose to on a level of form but in terms of content, the deeper unity that binds all of us, I must practice and demonstrate forgiveness by not judging others or myself. This does not mean to ignore differences; it merely necessitates not giving away one's peace of mind because of the perception of them.

Day 9

Today's favor was about facing fear. Often in life we create and form beliefs based on opinions rather than facts. One example of this was the belief held by me that yoga would not be helpful to me because I already taught Pilates. It's odd to admit and reflect upon now, but I believed I needed to shelter myself from yoga's influence because it might have some adverse affect on my Pilates practice or that it might distract me from being Pilates-focused. Reading these words even as I type them, this fear seems irrational and even slightly comical, but for some unconscious reason, I held this belief.

On an even deeper level, I can now see I avoided yoga for fear of failing at it. I deflected this fear by discounting yoga in my mind and turning down numerous invites to attend classes over the past few years. It was not until I received a favor request asking me for help finding the best yoga studios in the Hollywood area that I discovered the actual root to my yoga aversion. Once I realized I passed on classes because I thought I might not do well and was worried with how others would perceive my shortcomings in light of being a Pilates instructor, I decided to make a shift. I told myself that for any decision I made to do or not to do something, the deciding factor could not be fear-based. If it was that I genuinely did not agree with something or had a belief against it, then it is OK not to do it. However, if fear is the basis for my choice not to participate, I vowed to do it anyway and take my fear along with me. This remind me of some sage words told to me by a Pilates client when I asked her what I should do next. She responded, "Jump, and your soul will catch you!"

In the process of researching yoga studios I had to once again get myself out of the way and be open to asking questions and allowing new information into my mind. I called several studios, asked a couple of devoted yogi friends and then shut-up and just listened. I heard the passion behind their words and their belief in yoga echoed in my ears for the first time without fear or threat to my own belief in the practice of Pilates. I plan to attend my first class with a friend later this week and will keep you posted on the experience.

As I related the top yoga studios to the favor recipient I felt at ease with myself and knew I had made a major shift in my overall human experience by making the most minor of shifts in perception. The goal is not to deny fear but rather to look upon it without judgement and then to release the need of it.

Day 8

Happy Valentine's Day! Today's favor was about friendship. I awoke excited and exhausted. Yesterday's favor of delivering flowers for Valentine's was still fresh in my mind and I was eager to return to the shop to collect many flowers to bring to a senior center. However, upon seeing the chaotic scene and frantic flower shop staff racing around to handle last-minute orders, I decided a small bouquet of flowers was a better option. I made a mental note to save visiting a senior center for another day's favor. As soon as I released my need to have the day unfold as I originally planned, a new idea and flower recipient came into my mind and I thought back to my childhood.

As a little girl, I often struggled with bad dreams. In an effort to soothe me and calm my racing thoughts, hopefully preventing nightmares from occurring, my mom bought me several tapes of guided meditation. One tape was called "The Present." I can still hear the calm, steady words echoed by the narrator, "This is a tape about the real meaning of friendship, please listen carefully." The real meaning of friendship?... How often do we set-aside time in our busy days and lives to ponder this simple notion? Usually we create friendships based on needs: our need to have companionship; our need to have someone in our life with similar interests; our need to have someone in our corner; a need to not feel or be alone. What if we welcomed friendships into our world based on a desire to be helpful? How would that shift our perceptions of those in our inner-circles? Would our close friends remain the same or would they change into new faces and new names?

The meditation tape concluded with the following sentiment: a friend is a present you give yourself. Applying and adding the psychological knowledge I learned as an adult; I propose modifying the statement slightly: A friend gives the present to you. Or in other words, a friend reminds you to stay in the moment. I have met such a friend since moving to LA and today I had the opportunity to give back to her in the present in thanks for gently reminding me to live my life in the present. The looks of surprise and joy on her face upon seeing the wrapped bouquet of fresh Valentine's flowers made my day and once again acted as further motivation for me to continue with 32 Favors.

Day 7

It's hard to believe it has only been one week since beginning my commitment to 32 Favors in 32 days...I have met more people, had more personal insights, and felt more energy in the past seven days than I have during the past year. Today's favor was about service. I received a request from the owner of a floral shop in Sherman Oaks asking for help with her Valentine's orders. The economic downfall impacted her business greatly. In our emails I told her I was available to help her in any way that was helpful.

After a full morning of teaching Pilates, I drove over to the flower shop. The skies darkened and the rain fell hard. Rain in general is an anomaly in LA, heavy rain even more so. It seemed fitting in some respect since it was Friday the 13th, but also odd since less than a week ago it was over 80 degrees and sunny! I assumed I would be spending my day inside the shop, helping to arrange flowers or interfacing with last-minute Valentine's shoppers. However, upon arrival I saw that the owner, while genuinely happy to see me, also had not had time to really think of how to use me. Chaotic frenzy filled the store and I decided to just be still and wait until she had a moment to gather her thoughts rather than to press for what I should do. One of her assistants saw me waiting and asked what I was there for; I answered, "I am here to help." Puzzled, she then questioned, "Why?" My only answer: "Why not."

When the owner finally had a moment of calm she asked if I had a car and if I could help with delivery. I nodded and after pulling up to the curb loaded the arrangements carefully into my Prius. I delivered each bouquet with the assistance of my GPS, getting more and more soaked by the falling rain. I returned to the shop and said the deliveries were complete. The scene inside was even more chaotic than earlier in the day and stress and tension filled the air. I saw the owner's assistant again and she assumed I was done for the day. Shaking my head, I said no, "I am here to help." Loading the Prius again with orders I drove through even heavier and more intense rain. The second to last delivery brought me to a law firm. After placing the gorgeous arrangement on the desk and looking like a drowned rat, I assumed the receptionist would want me to exit right away. However, she took an extra moment and smiled at me saying, "Thank you so much for coming out in this weather; I really appreciate it. Is there anything I can do for you?" I said I was delivering flowers for free today as a favor and so if she could validate my parking, I would be most grateful. She said it was against company policy but that she would do it as a favor to me. It was an amazingly brief exchange in linear time and yet a massive one in terms of positive energy and goodwill. I took the "validation" which I literally thought must be a sign I was on the right path regarding the commitment I have to 32 Favors and braved the rain again. Her small act of kindness motivated me to continue this project, without investment in the outcome; simply asking how I may be of service each day.

I returned to the flower shop and took some photos of the dedicated team of workers. They offered me flowers as a thank you for helping and I said I would return the following day, Valentine's, to take the flowers to a friend who had a rough year. Whew! What a day...I may have been cold and wet from the rain but I was warm and light inside all from a day which showed me kindness comes from the most unexpected sources and when we least expect it.

Day 6

Today's favor was about being humble. I received a request asking me to buy three strangers a cup of coffee. I wrestled with how to accomplish this task and ultimately decided to choose an option allowing for anonymity. After an amazing evening of seeing friends, I went into a small coffee shop, far away from my usual routine and ordered a cup of coffee. While paying, I told the clerk to please use the extra 20 single bills given to him towards the next three cups of coffee purchased by the next three people behind me in line. He looked at me puzzled for a moment and then smiled warmly . He asked what he should say to the three customers and I said to say, "This is a favor from someone wishing him or her a great day." I asked him to create some sort of distraction allowing me time to leave before the next order got rung-up. He smiled again and nodded.

As I stood outside under the awning, peering through the window behind my aviator frames, I saw the genuine displays of surprise and delight as the clerk repeated word-for-word what I said. Each favor recipient was similar to one another in the order of expressed emotion: confusion, surprise, happiness. It was only a small act of kindness and what occured to me was that if this small act caused such joy, imagine the impact and effect on the whole of our global community if each day each person received one kind act without needing to ask for a favor. So often we find ourselves saying, "I don't have enough time." How does one define enough? Is there really a day ever in which we do not have "enough" time to be kind? Being kind means meeting another where he or she is at in life. It means not expecting another to be different; it means embracing another as a part of you. You don't have to buy a stranger coffee, but you can; you don't have to be humble, but you can; you don't have to be a part of something bigger than yourself, but you can. It is a small shift in energy to go from scarcity of internal resources to abundance. We all have and we all deserve an abundance of kindness. Let's start each day by accessing that abundance and see where our kindness takes us!

Day 5

Today's favor focused on forgiveness. Sometimes the real purpose behind an event or choice differs drastically from our original assumptions. A friend requested I join her at a support group for the evening. I agreed and quickly discovered that accepting her invitation was actually a favor to me. One of my past Pilates clients asked that her favor be for me to take care of myself for one day, however that looked. I thought I would save it and use it for a day of pampering; perhaps a mani-pedi, massage or just sleeping-in late. Never in my wildest dreams did I entertain the notion that taking care of me might mean looking at the real me without judgment. Often it is easy to pass judgments because it offers us a way to categorize things and to assign value or priority which then helps us to allocate our finite resources of time, energy and and desire. However, what if it was possible to remain free of judgment and instead of deem something as having positive or negative value, we instead sat still with our judgments beside us rather than within us and remained neutral? This sense of neutrality at first may raise alarm or a false label of denial. This is not denial; this is quiet; this is forgiveness; this is peace. Chaotic value-assumptions are noisy in relation to our peace of mind but they are specific and finite; neutrality is infinite. It knows no beginning and no end; it just is and waits until called to action. The waiting of the process allows us to process and to free ourselves from rash and quick decisions motivated by fear which may then lead to feeling guilty or angry about said decisions. It is a vicious cycle of malcontent and the way to stop the cycle is to take the time to pause, be still, not judge and forgive ourselves for what we have not done. I am so grateful for the invitation from my friend and the gift of self-care from my client; both offered me the greatest favor one may give to oneself: love.