Day 24

Occurred on March 2, 2009

Today's favor was about time. I received a request asking me to help a friend come to terms with the notion of taking time to grieve for the recent death of her father. Her father was her world and with him being taken from her life a void was instantly apparent. Convention dictates we must move on when those close to us leave us in some fashion, be it death, abandonment, a break-up, divorce or separation. We are supposed to pick up the pieces, and tell everyone around us all will be fine and that we are OK. However, what I gathered from this request was that this individual was not OK and did not feel like moving on, she felt like stopping. She was seeking permission to stop and to think and to reflect. For some reason she felt guilt over this time being taken and at the same time, she saw no other option than to cease her life as she knew it.

Once I realized the complexities facing this woman and her conflict over doing what she was "supposed to" versus what she felt, I felt perplexed as how to accomplish this favor request. How could I offer her grace while also helping to facilitate her process of reconciling the loss of her father? Did I even know what helping her looked like? I decided to meet with her at a local wine bar and to have no other agenda for our meeting other than having her be heard. Maybe the true purpose of our meeting was not to convince her of anything but rather to have her discover her own truth and wisdom at her own pace and on her own time.

Even though we were surrounded by numerous people in a dimly lit room, the pain she carried spoke volumes to me. On the surface she appeared in complete control but her eyes betrayed the actual feelings she harbored. Her eyes were dull and it almost seemed as though she was wincing as she spoke about her father and about the memories, which although they remained unspoken to me, clearly filed her mind with vivid images. I asked how she was doing and then I just shut-up and listened. At the end of our evening, I felt extraordinarily privileged to have the opportunity to offer her the outlet to express herself without fear of judgment. Never once did I suggest she "should" do anything, I just listened. She came to her own conclusion: she would continue to take time to grieve until she felt it was time to do something else. The simplicity of her decision was the paragon of grace and I applaud her composure and clarity and courage to sit with her thoughts rather than rush to fill her life and time with extraneous things. The essence of this favor was self-full love; she realized in order to deal with the emptiness left by the passing of her father, she needed to fill her own tank with grace and compassion.

Day 23

This occurred on March 1, 2009:

Today's favor was about listening to what is true not what is perceived. I received a favor request asking me to practice accepting myself for one day. At first this request seemed easy and I almost adopted a cavalier attitude towards fulfilling it...almost! What I discovered what that this request was one of the most difficult of them all. For me it is far easier to give praise to others than to myself. As I sat on the edge of my bed, I realized I did not know where to start, but knew the first step was to not choose fear. No matter what I encountered throughout the day, I promised not to be swayed by fear. The only power I would give to today would be to facts.

Almost as if the universe chose to challenge this commitment to the 'nth degree, I immediately received my first trial. A Pilates client contacted me to say she could no longer continue sessions due to her husband's layoff from work. She apologized profusely and said how much she would miss our sessions together and that she knew she had just last week told me she was signing up for ten more sessions. I knew at that moment, I had a choice: to choose fear or love. I could interpret what she said as a negative and that she was somehow rejecting me and let it affect my entire day or I could listen to what she said, yet make no judgement of it. Due to today's favor, I was able to listen fully to what she said yet grant it no power to take away my peace of mind and happiness. Instead, because I loved myself and was secure in who I am and knew her ending the sessions was not personal and I had done an excellent job as her teacher, I offered her compassion and not the guilt she feared. I did not attempt to convince her to stay as a client, but I did tell her I valued our relationship and that my door was always open on both a personal and professional level. Stunned by my graciousness and by the lack of the guilt she assumed would surely follow from me, she simply said, "Thank you so much for understanding. You are a real friend." In that instant I realized the necessity of being a friend to me fully before ever being able to offer friendship to another completely without expectation or need of reciprocation. I took the time within my own mind to stop before making a judgement and discovered no one was to blame.

I have come to understand that in my life I have an extremely easy time offering acceptance without exception except to myself. Accepting ourselves means to choose to see the world as a place of learning. We may not always get it right, but choosing to continue to try and allow our minds to release the need for fear and separation from what we really are at our core is the beginning of starting a new beginning for each of us to accept everything and all that we are and hope to be.

Short Side Note

First off, I would like to thank everyone who follows this blog for the many thoughtful emails. Life happened these past two months, but today things cleared and I now have time to finish what I started. I completed the project in the 32 days, but have not posted since Day 22. Read on to see how things ultimately unfolded. The changes that occurred on the levels of my body, mind and spirit from me committing myself to this project continue to awe me and astound me. Thank you all for accompanying me on this amazing journey. And now on to Day 23!