Day 23

This occurred on March 1, 2009:

Today's favor was about listening to what is true not what is perceived. I received a favor request asking me to practice accepting myself for one day. At first this request seemed easy and I almost adopted a cavalier attitude towards fulfilling it...almost! What I discovered what that this request was one of the most difficult of them all. For me it is far easier to give praise to others than to myself. As I sat on the edge of my bed, I realized I did not know where to start, but knew the first step was to not choose fear. No matter what I encountered throughout the day, I promised not to be swayed by fear. The only power I would give to today would be to facts.

Almost as if the universe chose to challenge this commitment to the 'nth degree, I immediately received my first trial. A Pilates client contacted me to say she could no longer continue sessions due to her husband's layoff from work. She apologized profusely and said how much she would miss our sessions together and that she knew she had just last week told me she was signing up for ten more sessions. I knew at that moment, I had a choice: to choose fear or love. I could interpret what she said as a negative and that she was somehow rejecting me and let it affect my entire day or I could listen to what she said, yet make no judgement of it. Due to today's favor, I was able to listen fully to what she said yet grant it no power to take away my peace of mind and happiness. Instead, because I loved myself and was secure in who I am and knew her ending the sessions was not personal and I had done an excellent job as her teacher, I offered her compassion and not the guilt she feared. I did not attempt to convince her to stay as a client, but I did tell her I valued our relationship and that my door was always open on both a personal and professional level. Stunned by my graciousness and by the lack of the guilt she assumed would surely follow from me, she simply said, "Thank you so much for understanding. You are a real friend." In that instant I realized the necessity of being a friend to me fully before ever being able to offer friendship to another completely without expectation or need of reciprocation. I took the time within my own mind to stop before making a judgement and discovered no one was to blame.

I have come to understand that in my life I have an extremely easy time offering acceptance without exception except to myself. Accepting ourselves means to choose to see the world as a place of learning. We may not always get it right, but choosing to continue to try and allow our minds to release the need for fear and separation from what we really are at our core is the beginning of starting a new beginning for each of us to accept everything and all that we are and hope to be.