Day 12

Today's favor was about asking for help. The day began with chaos and stress: my alarm did not go off and I woke up to a room filled with much more light than I knew was possible for 5:30 AM (the time I set my alarm for the night before) Panicked, I leaped off of my couch, my bed for the past week since my apartment only has heat in the living room, and frantically threw on clothes. It was 6:25 AM and I had a Pilates session to teach at 6:30 AM. This had never happened since moving to LA and I was sure there was no possible way to get to the Pilates studio in-time since I live a minimum of 15 minutes away. To make matters worse, I knew my client would already have left her home and for some reason I could not find her cell phone number anywhere. I called her home and left an anxious, almost-unintelligible message about me being so sorry, alarm no go off, no have her cell phone number, so, so, sorry.

It was at that moment something shifted. I closed my eyes and asked for help. Rather than keep focusing on what I could not do, (reach her, get there before 6:30 AM, change the situation, go back in time) I chose to ask for help. This small pause cleared my thoughts and I remembered receiving emails from my client and thought maybe she received her emails via her phone. Maybe there was a way to reach her. I flipped open my MacBook and fired off a quick, though deeply apologetic email and then waited. Within moments, my cell phone rang and my client asked if I was OK. I could barely believe what I heard...here was this woman, an esteemed professional, most definitely used to having schedules, appointments and punctuality and she asked if I was OK. I told her what had happened with my alarm and she paused and then said, "It's OK. These types of things happen; it has never happened before with you. It's OK. Actually, this is good, I don't live far away and now I can go back and...Nanci, it's OK, just think how happy my daughter will be when she wakes up and sees I'm home and not gone like usual?" Speechless and beyond surprised the reprimand I feared had not come I managed to say “Thank you,” weakly. I’m not sure what would have happened if I did not stop and ask for help.

I received a request from my cousin asking for help studying for her psychology test. Impressed by her dedication to her studies, I happily agreed. At first our lack of physical proximity posed a problem. How could I from LA help her up in the SF Bay area? Stumped but not deterred, I once again paused and asked for help. Remembering a test-prep trick someone once told me, I suggested to my cousin she should try and teach me everything that she needed to know for her exam. The fact that I have a masters in psychology would also serve to offer assistance in case a concept or study confused her. I would play the student and she, the teacher. Sensing great skepticism in her voice and yet hearing her say, “OK”, I hoped this was the right approach. I knew it took a lot for her to ask me for help and she knew I was open to any approach to make it work for both of us. I think it was this unspoken parity that enabled us to be successful.

The collaboration ended up being more healing and helpful to me than my cousin knew: earlier that evening, old relationship patterns threatened to re-emerge even after all of the work taken by me to ensure I only opt to access healthy patterns. I realized I took a step backwards with someone from my past and knew the only way to correct the misstep was to get myself out of the way and ask how I may be helpful to another. Her request was a gift; it reminded me I had value and that the past sources I sought for that affirmation consistently and constantly led to misery. I remember hearing someone mention there is a difference between problems and facts. A problem has a specific solution; a fact just exists. No matter how many different “solutions” I threw at the situation the outcome never yielded the result I wanted. Rather than keep trying to invent more creative, yet ultimately fruitless solutions, I need to accept the situation as a fact and move on to something else that is possible to solve and to yield the outcome I want. If I had not asked for help, I never would have been able to ask how I may be helpful to another. It is possible to view kindness requested and kindness reflected as strength, not weakness.